reflections on Portugal

January 8, 2008

I was so young when I arrived in Portugal. Even though I had already lived overseas several times, it had always been with my parents. This was a new experience--being on my own, learning the language, making friends, experiencing culture.

During one of my first weeks there in Lisbon, I climbed to the top of the Sao Jorge Castle with a new friend, Carol, who at the time was 37. She had traveled all over the world and was always telling these great stories of her adventures. I remember thinking I wanted to be like her when I grew up. As we stood in those castle ruins overlooking Lisbon, she teased me to "live a little." I replied, "I know you're the guru of 'live a little,' but I am 23 and just moved to a foreign country by myself, and I'm standing on top of a 1000 year old castle ruin. I think I AM living a little!"

That memory has stayed with me through the years, as I have continued to "live a little"... or a lot! I recalled it again as I stood in the same spot last month, looking out over Lisbon once again. Oh, the memories that roll through my mind of all that has passed since I first arrived there at the age of 23. I never imagined my life would look like it does now, when I stood there that day way back when. But I am so grateful for Carol's challenge to me and how things have turned out as I attempt, starting there in Portugal, to "live a little."

My two day visit last month was so short. I wanted to bless KKW and show her my old home, my old love, that she had heard so much about. We went to all my favorite spots--Chiado, Sao Jorge, Belem, and of course, Sintra. (There is an old Spanish proverb that says, "To travel the world and not see Sintra is to go about blind.") We sat up in the Moorish castle ruins in Sintra at sunset, and my heart nearly burst it was so full. It truly is my favorite place on earth. There are so many sweet memories from there--no other place compares for me.

Before I came to France, I had an interesting talk with H.Grey about my feelings on moving here. I had felt nervous that I would fall in love with France, and somehow betray Portugal in my heart. Now, a year later, I can say--I have fallen in love with France. Before I went back last month, I wondered what it would be like to see Lisbon again. As Kristen and I climbed the walls of Sao Jorge, I came up with this illustration...

Portugal was my first love--the young, excited giddiness of a teenage romance. Through my time there, I learned that I love life abroad. I knew, my whole time there, that it was only for a season. I moved on from Portugal, but it will always hold that special place in my heart, as first loves always do. France is like the college boyfriend. I know myself so much better now, what I like and don't like. And from all that I know--France and I mesh pretty well together. It works, at least for this time in my life.

But like mentioning marriage to a college junior, I'm not ready to talk about long term yet. I like where I am for right now. I'm having fun. We work well, me and France. But forever? Not ready to go there yet. Because honestly, I don't think France is "the one" for me, but I'm nowhere near ready to end it yet either. I think France and I will go our separate ways when I graduate from this term, and the next place I go...that'll be the one I keep forever.