Summer and Surrender

I know, I know, I've dropped off the planet.  There is something about summer in Marseille that does that to me.  I mean, look at back at the blog in the summer of 2008 and 2009.  Nothing.  No posts.  Why?  Cause life gets crazy round here.  Summer in Marseille means things like laser tag and hiking the cliffs down to the Med...

 and eating watermelon and singing alot and going to other cities and getting henna done...

...and having deep conversations in French with some and in English with others and just hanging out...

 ...and fun times down at the Vieux Port watching motorcycle rallies and orchestras and flamenco dancing...

 ...and being with crazy Americans who come through who are willing to be ridiculous and do stuff they would never otherwise do like move a door on a bus across town...

 ...and playing games like petanque and spades and boggle and killer bunnies (oh wait, that hasn't happened yet) and laughing and singing and dancing and spending time at the beach and watching sunsets and talking about how good God is...

It's been a "I love my life" type summer once again.  God is so good to me.  In the midst of all this goodness and blessing and fun, I've been chewing on a deep thought.

Surrender.  

My friends and I have been singing songs with lines that say things like, 

• "Of all else, I am letting go."
• "I surrender all."
• "All the world holds dear, I count as loss."

All?  ALL?  That's a serious word.  To let go of all.  To surrender all.  To count all as rubbish.  ALL.

When I was in college, I was singing some song, and I heard the Lord speak so clearly that I actually opened my eyes to look around me and see who had spoken to me.  There was no one around.  The Lord had spoken so loudly to my spirit it was almost audible.  What did He say?

"Don't sing it unless you mean it."

That memory came to mind recently as I was singing about surrender.  Don't sing it unless you mean it. Don't say you surrender all unless you really are willing to surrender all.  And surrender doesn't mean just surviving through something unpleasant, complaining your way all the way through it.  That's not surrender either.

Surrendering all means all comforts like AC, good showers, consistent electricity, a quiet comfortable home, a car, a TV, a bed.  Am I willing to surrender all that for Christ, and joyfully sweat in the heat, in the humid shower that doesn't seem to cleanse, in the dark, flickering lights, in the noise of city life, on the metro, in the boredom of no television, in the lack of a home that is mine?

Surrendering all means all comfort zones like a familiar language, time concepts, clothing styles, pride and more.  Am I willing to surrender all that for Christ and joyfully learn another language, sound like an idiot as I prod along misunderstood every single day, get stood up time and again, lose hours of my day because people here don't mind being late and rescheduling, wear clothes that look retarded to me but beautiful to someone else, lay down my pride to look like an idiot as I do things I would never do in America?

Surrendering all means means all my hopes and dreams for things like a husband and children and writing a book and living in a certain place and being healthy.  Am I willing to surrender all that for Christ and joyfully stay single as long as He demands it and maybe never have children so my time is free for other things and leave the place I've always loved to live somewhere unknown and praise Him through sickness and trials and difficulties?

Surrendering all means all my safety and security.  Am I willing to lose everything for Christ and still praise Him and thank Him anyway?  What if I am robbed?  What if my house burns to the ground?  What if I am slapped?  Beaten?  Raped?  Kidnapped?  Killed?  What if those things don't happen to me...but to my family?  For the sake of Christ?  

Am I willing to surrender all that and more to Him?  We sing--and quite easily--"I surrender all,"to our King and for the advancement of the Kingdom...but do we really mean it?  I feel like I've surrendered so much...and yet in the midst of a summer of so much goodness, I am pondering through--would I give up all this goodness if He asked me to?

Cause I don't want to sing it if I don't mean it.