Presence

Two weeks ago I was in my home-away-from-home in the ME, and I got a text that said, "Notre Dame is on fire."  Like the rest of the world, I watched live-stream as our fair lady burned.  As the spire fell.  As the roof collapsed.  Waited and prayed that the wood in the towers that hold the bells wouldn't catch fire, causing the bells to fall...and possibly the towers to tumble.

I tried telling myself that night, "It's just a building."

But it's not.  For me, and so many others, it's so much more.  I've been trying to figure that out since that night.

I first saw ND on Christmas Eve 1999.  Plenty of people have seen her at Christmas...but that year was special because "the storm of the century" was brewing overhead.  The winds from that storm knocked some of her gargoyles off.  But I didn't notice any of that.  I woke up on Christmas morning in a 400 year old apartment a stone's throw away from Notre Dame and heard her bells ringing and went with the crowds to listen to the Good News proclaimed there in that special place and knew that I loved her.  I took a picture of her that showed this dark cloud just resting heavy over her.

I moved to Paris on December 30th, 2006.  The first Sunday of every month, museums and various monuments are free, and so on my very first free Sunday I headed straight over to Notre Dame to climb the bell towers and see those gargoyles up close and personal.  I was reading The Hunchback of Notre Dame at the time, and doing those two things together within my first month of living in Paris had a direct impact on my heart.  I was smitten.  I didn't realize that I loved Paris then.  Looking back now, I know that I did love this city, that it was the place to where Father had brought me.

What many people don't know about Notre Dame is that there is a marker on the ground just in front of her called Point Zero.  Everything in France measures out from that spot.  It is the very center, the heart, of France.  Notre Dame is more than a building to these people.  The spot where she stands is where they became a city, a country, a people.  That spot has been the center for 2000 years.  They built a house of worship there, and it has remained standing through revolutions, wars, storms, and fires.  It has seen timeless moments of kings, emperors, popes, saints, and gospel seekers.  It's not just a building.

Many years ago, I experienced a terrible moment in my life.  I was living in Eastern France at the time, and I'd come to Paris for a few days to see the cherry blossoms and meet with someone I greatly respected.  He, along with two others, said some of the most hurtful and damaging things that my heart has ever had to hear.  After that painful meeting, I went to Notre Dame and sat on a bench underneath the cherry blossoms.  Numb.  Broken.  Extremely hurting and feeling very alone.

I sat there and cried very quietly.  Prayed and cried.  Cried and prayed.  An elderly woman came and sat on the bench, and after some time of just sitting there, she reached over and gently took my hand. She just held my hand from across the bench.  Eventually she got up and left.  The Presence of the Lord held me that day, on that bench, under the cherry blossoms, in the gardens of Notre Dame.  I was not alone.  He was with me.

And so, through the years, Notre Dame has become my center, my Point Zero.  Any guest who comes to see me, it's the first place I take them.  Any beautiful day, it's where I go first to begin my wandering around the city.  Every Christmas, I go there.  Every spring I anxiously await the cherry blossoms.  When she chimes her bells on Easter morning, I hear the thrill of the resurrection.  Any time I need a quiet moment, I find myself sitting on one of her benches.  And after the fire, as soon as I returned to Paris from the ME, I headed straight there.  I needed to see her.  Sit with her for a moment.  Knowing that she is still standing through her present suffering...the Lord reminded me that I am too.

"...what you are experiencing is truly part of God's grace for you.  Stand firm in this grace."  (1 Peter 5:12b)

I've been looking for and meditating on passages in Scripture about the Presence of the Lord.  He is always with us.  God with us.  It began in a garden.  It moved to a tent where cloud hovered in the day and fire by night.  Then a temple.  Then a Person.  Now His Spirit in us.  And we know a City is coming.

Our Creator God knows us.  He knows we have so little faith (Matthew 14:31) and so we need to see.  He gave the cloud and the fire because of their need.  He gave places to experience His presence because of our need.  Perhaps He gave Notre Dame because of the French people's need.  And me... He gave me a cloud over her in 1999 and fire rising up from her in 2019 to give me a place to experience His presence.

The day after the fire, I read in Romans 13:14, "Instead...clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ."  Notre Dame is more than just a building.  And as special as she is to me...she is just a place.  I don't have to go there to experience His Presence.  It is in me and I can clothe myself in it so it is all around me.  Surrounded.  Grace that is so much bigger than a place.

In 1999, I wrote in my Bible:
Cloud by day
Fire by night
With these I shall stay
Stay and not take flight
Where these are is where I'll be
When they move, then only then, will I leave

I've wrestled and squirmed and sat uncomfortably with the idea of Place for twenty years now, from when I saw that hovering cloud until two weeks ago when I saw the flames.  Can I gather up just enough faith to believe it's not about a place, and I can forever stay right here...not in Paris, not at Notre Dame, but in His presence?  Clothed in His Presence to go where He goes, do as He does, be as He is?

Fully known.  Fully loved.
Jesus is my Point Zero.