"I no bush you buy!"

Some of you long-time readers of this blog may remember how much I loved the sensory overload of going to the Grand Bazaar while living in Istanbul. So when KO was trying to prep me for how humongous the Khan is, and I asked her, "Is it sensory overload?" and she nodded her head with eyes wide, I was excited. There is something about shopping in the non-Western world that thrills my heart.

The taxi driver, to be mean, decided to drop us off at the Egyptian entrance to the Khan and not the tourist entrance...despite that we were obviously tourists. KO just marched right in one of the side streets determined to find where we needed to go. The streets were narrow and FILLED with people. There was some organization to it...a kitchenware section, a clothing section, a fireworks section (where I probably lost some hearing out of my left ear), but no apparent tourist section.

You know, key chains. Belly dancer outfits. Hookahs. Tacky t-shirts. Little neon-colored plastic replicas of the pyramids. The good stuff. Where was it?

KO grabbed my hand like a good mother hen and led me through the crowds while I took pictures of all the people. The only other time in my life when I felt SO COMPLETELY out of place was last summer, in Morocco, when the Superhero made me, Sue-Wee and Svia go into the man's souq, despite that we are not men. KO and I stood out so bad, it was almost laughable. People just stared at us completely confused as to why we were there. She weaved us back out to the street, where we walked for about a mile and then finally found the tourist entrance.

Do you remember that opening scene from Aladdin, where a souq vendor tries to sell the viewer some things, and then offers to tell the story of the magic lamp that he would like you to buy? Okay, imagine HUNDREDS of vendors just like him, and then you have the touristy section of the Khan. As we walk by stores with gazillions of hookahs, alabaster candle holders, belly-dancing outfits, drums, frames, pottery, spices, whatever, everyone called out to us.

"What are you looking for?"
KO responded, "Nothing."
"I have nothing! What size you want?"

"How can I take your money?"

"Chakira! Chakira!" It took me a few times to figure that one out...then I saw the guys who yelled that were waving belly dancer outfits at us. Okay...

What we heard most, though, was, "I no bush you buy! I no bush you buy!" And as the men would say this, they would try to convince us to enter THEIR store vs. someone else's. KO turned to me and asked, "Why do they keep bringing up Bush, and what does he have to do with buying a hookah?"

Then I remembered...Arabic doesn't have the letter "P" in it. All foreign words with a "P" are just changed to "B". So 'Pepsi' is "Bebsi." They were saying, "I won't PUSH you to buy anything, just come look!" I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling everytime I heard, "I no bush you buy!"

We made friends with a shop owner who was named, (big surprise), Mohammed. He hooked us up with a bunch of alabaster. I asked him if he knew anywhere in the Khan that we could purchase clocks with arabic numbers on them...something I had decided I wanted to be my souvenir from Egypt, despite the fact that they didn't seem to exist for sale in the Khan.

Except that everything is always for sale in the Khan. Mohammed said, "You want a clock with Arabic numbers?! No problem." He took off and came back about 10 minutes later. "Follow me."

We followed Mohammed into another section of the Khan, to someone else's shop, where we were told to wait. Wait we did. Twenty minutes later, Mohammed came back with three clocks with Egyptian numbers. KO and I looked at each other...Apparently Mohammed had gone and taken these off of someone's private wall. We were told to pick the kind we liked. Once we made a decision, he disappeared again.

Another ten minutes gone by, and Mohammed returns with another clock like the original one we'd picked. Now we had two. He then named a price. I wasn't sure how bartering is supposed to go when (a) the person who owns the item being sold is not there to participate and (b) the item being sold has just been removed from someone's home/office/shop wall.

All in all, we got our clocks, and I think...whoever they'd belonged to before got enough money from the crazy American tourist who'd wanted their clock for them to (a) buy a replacement clock and (b) buy their wife a new dress so she won't be angry over the missing clock from the kitchen.

Mohammed told me if I ever needed to buy anything else, to come looking for him again at the Khan. I teased him and said, "Do I just walk in and ask where do I find Mohammed?" At first, he didn't catch my joke and responded, "No...we are all named Mohammed, you will never find me...Oh. You can just come to my shop," he said with a smile.

KO got her hookah, I got my clock, and we both got some alabaster. And the men were true to their word...no one bushed us to buy.

Click HERE to see photos.