The Rat Story (from the UAE)

My friend, Pantene, mentioned recently that she has not made an appearance on my blog yet, and bemoaned the fact that she does not have a blog name. Now she does: Pantene. Because, while she does not use Pantene, she does have Pantene hair like you see in the commercials.

I've referenced "the rats" from the UAE several times recently around her, and so I thought I would put those links in succession for anyone interested.

You can read them all on one page by clicking HERE, just make sure to scroll to the bottom of the page and read UP to get them in order. Or, click the links below to get the story in order.

The rat introduces himself into my life here.

The rat brings a friend over to play here.

The rat begins to stink here.

The rat takes a bath to get rid of the stink here.

The rat introduces himself to my language teacher, thus proving that I am not the only one who hears him, here.

I see the rat here.

The rat tries to come to visit, thus breaking the terms of agreement of our peaceful existence together, and I declare war on him here.

The rats die here. (Yes, turns out there were multiple rats.)

The rat epidemic of my life continues in some slightly humorous turn of fate here.

Yes, in 9 months of living in the UAE, I wrote about rats as many times.

A mouse in the house

I think if I wrote a memoir of my time spent here in the desert, it would consist only of stories about the post office, taxi rides, and rodents.

I'd come to Miss Sally's to escape the rat hole that used to be the haven called 1307. The smell there lingers despite the eternal flame of my Yankee Candle. And Miss Sally has fresh-off-the-boat Season One of 'Lost.' So I was sitting on her couch all cozied up, wrists tight in suspense as I wonder who this guy named Ethan who wasn't on the passenger manifesto is, and why is he on the island, and what's he going to do to Claire and Charlie? Stress.

Then a tiny little movement catches my eye. I glance over to the couch and wonder if a little bug is moving under there. I pause the DVD and look closer. Not a bug.

A mouse.

Am I cursed!? Do they follow me? I mean, I enjoyed the Secrets of Nihm as a child, but seriously. This is out of control. I've seen more rodents in the last three weeks than in my entire life combined!

I ran up the stairs and told Miss Sally and her husband about the mouse. They laughed at me. "I'm serious! I saw it! A small, little mouse! And as you yourself said, where there is one, there's more!" They laughed some more and stayed where they were. I was off to fend for myself against the little squeaker. I figured the rats in my apartment could eat that guy for lunch, he was so small, so I shouldn't worry about him, and went back to Lost.

Then I heard a sound in the kitchen. I went in there to find Mr. Sally (Miss Sally's husband) behind the door with a broom. "Whatcha doin?" I asked.

"I saw your mouse. I'm trying to catch him."

I came in and was just about to shut the kitchen door when that little critter made a run straight for my flip flops! Which were on my feet! I squealed and screamed and shrieked and made every other kind of girly noise possible as I jumped onto the counter. It was from that very strategic place that I directed the operation of Dead Mouse.

"He's behind the fridge!"

"He just ran over there! Behind the trash can!"

"Oh! There he goes! Behind the bucket!"

And with one more "Oh!" Mr. Sally stomped his foot and the world came crashing down on Nicodemus the mouse. If only it'd been that easy in the 1307 with all of Nicodemus's cousins...

Just call me Mrs. Frisby...

Ding dong the rat is dead

Last week I woke up one morning and realized my apartment smelled like death.

Rat death.

Remember when I was paranoid about them sealing him in? They sealed him in. And he died up there. And stunk up my apartment. I packed up a suitcase and moved out until the maintenance men could remove it. Since I'd already volunteered to dog-sit Miss Sally's dog while she went on vacation, I moved into her house early. After they removed the rat, disinfected the spot where he'd breathed his last, and sprayed air freshner all over my apartment, and I aired it out for three days...

It still smells like rat death. I think there was/is more than one up there. I have no desire to move back in. And I am an official rat hater now. If there is a club, I will sign up to join.

More on the rat

After seeing the rat yesterday (through the air conditioning vent) I went to bed. Several hours later, he made such a ruckus that I jumped out of bed, flicked on the lights in a tantrum, looked up ready to yell and to my horror saw HIS UGLY LITTLE TAIL hanging out from my A/C vent.

He crossed the line! It's one thing to hear him. It's another to even see him. But for him to enter into my domain is not okay!!!

I stormed into the kitchen (all the while explaining to him that he better get out of my house, cause I'm on the war path now), grabbed my broom and rammed the ceiling with all that had, thinking that part of the ceiling was concrete (like the part that Sparky had once rammed to tell the neighbors they were being too loud). It was not concrete, but metal from the A/C--and MAN WAS IT A LOUD BANG. At 2am. (Might be that my neighbors are telling me I'm too loud now). I think I scared him to death. I didn't hear a peep out of him the rest of the night.

I stormed this morning down to the watchman and explained that I (still) have a rat and I'm not happy about it and this time they're going to do something about it. I figured they can't ignore a crowd, so I went to my next door neighbor (also a woman), and asked if she'd ever heard the rat. Well, did she ever start screaming! If a man is strong enough to ignore one screaming woman, I'd like to see one strong enough to ignore TWO screaming women!

He said he'd send someone up right away. Guess who he sent? The only men he could find: the carpenter and the painter. The painter crawled up in the ducts, found a hole and decided he would seal it up for me so the rat couldn't come back in. Guess what he sealed it up with? STYROFOAM. Um, if the rat can chew through the A/C ducts to get in, I think he can chew through styrofoam. I'm not a rat expert, though.

I asked if they would put any traps up there, and they smiled, and said, "No problem no, madam. No more rat! All finished."

I left and went immediately to a hardware store to buy a rat trap AND rat poison. They didn't have the latter. I bought a trap, brought it home and handed it to the watchman, explaining that he was going to set it up there for me. He looked at it in wonder, and explained that he had no idea how to work that contraption. (He didn't say contraption. Really he didn't say anything. He looked at in confusion, wiggled his head, tskd at me and handed it back and left).

So I was sitting here at my computer after a very crazy day (the rat was only the beginning!), when I heard it jump overhead, walk along the corridor, and then began scratching at the styrofoam. Oh great! Instead of blocking him OUT, they'd blocked him IN. I knocked him with the broom for good measure, since I knew exactly where he was at, and then stormed back downstairs.

I found the watchman and explained the rat is here RIGHT NOW. He said, "Okay, you come office." What!? There's an OFFICE?!

So I went into the office and there is the building maintenance MANAGER. With a DESK. Who speaks PERFECT ENGLISH. I thought, "where has this guy been since I moved in?!" I explained about the rat, and that I do not want a rat in my apartment, nor do I even want to HEAR the rat anymore. I want something done to insure that he is gone and no more friends or family of his will return.

He was extremely polite, made several phone calls, and explained that someone will come tomorrow first thing in the morning and will not leave until the problem is resolved. HALLELUJAH!!! I actually accomplished something, and I didn't even get told, "Inshallah." My plumber is not coming to fix the sink, however, until he finishes his nap. Yes, he actually told me that.

Name suggestions?

I SAW THE RAT!!! I SAW THE RAT!!!

In case you don't hear me shouting, I SAW THE RAT!!!

He was making lots of rambunctious noise up in my A/C ducts, so I went over to take a look and make sure he wasn't busting through my ceiling. As I looked up, there he was, crawling above my A/C vent. Good thing there is some metal between us.

I'm serious about taking name suggestions. He's obviously not going anywhere; might as well be friendly with him.

Too Much Problem!

The rat is back. Again.

He made his enterance during my language lesson, which made Holly's eyes quite big. She was proud though, to hear that I remembered how to say 'rat.' He made such a noise that at one point we thought he'd broken through the ceiling tiles.

I went downstairs to inform the maintainence man about the rat. He came upstairs with me and I pointed up to the ceiling. He nodded that he understood and returned a few minutes later with a broom and a rag. He began to sweep the ceiling for me.

(I chose not to be offended that he was saying my ceiling needed cleaning...)

"No, no." Once again I went through the hand motions of explaining that I have a critter crawling around up there. His eyes got big, and he says, "Oh! A raht. Yes, yes. Min-nie rahts tis bidd-ing! Tous-ands! Tous-ands rahts! Too much prob-lem."

He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a "sorry" look. As he went out the door he turned and said, "Raht med-i-cine. Med-i-cine."

Too much problem indeed.

Naming Suggestions Welcome

Fearless I am not.

Many think me brave--single American female living in a Muslim country by myself on the other side of the planet. But when it comes down to me and my lonesome, I can be a big chicken.

As in, I will not open the door to my apartment at all if I don't know the person ringing the doorbell. I stand like a big scardie cat on the other side of the peephole being as silent and still as possible until they go away. (Um, scary experience at 4:17am at my door in Portugal can be blamed for that).

So when mysterious sounds occur in my apartment, I get a bit freaked out. (Remember the posts from the first time I heard the rat, or when the neighbor began hammering at 3am?) I have gotten used to hearing the rat, and probably ought to come up with a name for him soon.

Even still, when I can hear a mysterious sound OVER my ipod, or the head phones while I'm watching a DVD (I wear head phones to block out the mosque noise), I tend to get...you know...freaked out.

So today I keep hearing water noises. Like someone is running the water in my spare bathroom. I would pause my ipod, listen, get up to go over towards the bathroom, and there would be silence.

Mysterious.

After about four times...freaky.

So I finally waited it out, and heard it again. But not coming from my guest bathroom. From the air conditioning ducts where the to-be-named rat lives. Is he taking a bath up there? Washing off that reak of a smell that he was emitting yesterday? Why can't he just drown?

And why do my air conditioning ducts sound like there is running water gushing through them?

As I've said before, it's a five-senses apartment.

I actually do smell a rat...

Do dead rats smell like skunks?

Because my apartment is smelling like a skunk got freaked out in here, despite the lovely candle I have burning. (And my neighbor's constant incense to please her Hindu gods...)

So I'm wondering--either the creature I thought was a rat is actually a skunk (and is freaked by the Hindu gods) or it died up there in my air conditioning ducts and is reaking...I said the rat could be a ferret. I guess it could be a skunk. I didn't know they existed in these parts...

A neighbor I refuse to love

The rat is back.

Several people have asked me how I know it is a rat, since I have only heard (and not seen) it. I suppose I watched the Secrets of Nihm and Charlotte's Web too many times. The sound of little rat claws scurrying across the ground seem familiar to me. It's not a cat or a bird or a snake, I know that much. Add to that my logic of what type of animal could get into my ceiling ducts, and I've pretty much narrowed it down.

Well, I guess it could be a ferrett. And I guess he brought a friend, cause I think they're singing to each other and playing tag. No, actually...now it sounds like they found a child's toy and are playing with it while playing tag.

I am NOT in a good mood.

I smell a rat

Actually, I heard a rat.

I was sitting at my desk, studying language like a good language student show be doing at 11:30 at night. My ipod is right next to me and playing very loudly. Suddenly, I thought I heard a noise, so I muted the ipod. Sure enough, there is a loud noise of movement coming from the front of my flat. I jumped up and ran to the door, and looked through the peephole. I saw nothing.

I spin around and put my back to the door. Someone or something is in my apartment! I can still hear the moving noise. I look to my left, thinking that maybe it's in the guest bathroom. I put my hand on the doorknob, terrified to open the door and inspect. I then hear the noise again, and realize where it's coming from.

I look straight up to the ceiling. Something is obviously moving around in the ceiling ducts.

Sigh of expasperation. Relieved that there is not a human intruder in my house, I can't think of a worse NON-human intruder to have! At least he's not where I can see him, right?

I climbed on a stool and began hitting the ceiling tiles with my Nalgene bottle, talking to the rat and explaining why it had to leave. (How did I know it was a rat, and not a mouse? The noise was big enough to let me know just how big the creature was. And I could hear it's ugly claws and even uglier big ole tail moving around). So there I am, on my stool, Nalgene above my head, yelling into my AC vent. I can just imagine this thing chewing it's way through the ceiling tiles and crawling into bed with me to keep warm. NO thank you!

I turned on the AC, thinking I would freeze it out, blow it out, or both. It still didn't leave.

I went downstairs, found the watchman, and said, "Joseph! There is a (hand motion little feet scratching) in my (hand motion ceiling)."

"A crrrichure?"

"Yes! A creature! In my (hand motion ceiling)!"

"Ohhh...tsk tsk tsk. Buhhh...warh-karh no ere. Mahning." (Translation: Maintence man is not here. He will be in the morning.)

"But Joseph! The creature is (hand motion little feet scratching) in my (hand motion ceiling)!"

"(Tiredly) Oh oh-kahyie. Commm on."

We went up to my flat, and wouldn't you know? The noise is gone. Joseph got on the stool, lifted all the tiles, and we saw (and heard) nothing. Figures I'd have to look like an idiot American girl.

Joseph says, "If eee commm bak, yooo fine mee mahning, oh-kahyie?"

"Ok Joseph. Thank you!"A bit of anti-climatic, I know. But my guess is, this rat story is not finished. But I sure as anything haven't turned my AC off since that night!