My profane name

I found out this weekend from my boss in Paris that my name sounds very similar to, well, the F-bomb in French. And that I, therefore, cannot go by my normal, given-at-birth-and-have-been-called-all-my-life name. They suggested I think up something else...the full version of my name (which is a nickname), or my middle name. Just not something offensive, as it now stands.

I feel like a little bit of a loss of identity.

The most normal reaction is to go by the full version of my name. But see, there's a thing. (I've always got a thing). When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher always called everyone by their full name. Mike's were Michael. Dave's were David. Christy's were Christina. Jen's were Jennifer. And therefore bettercountry was lookingforabettercountry. For the first week or so, I would always try to correct her and explain that my name was NOT lookingforabettercountry. It was just bettercountry. She would reprimand me for correcting her, an adult, and continue to call me lookingforabettercountry. Surely no parent would name their child, on their birth certificate a nickname.

So I tried a new tactic. I refused to answer her when she called out "lookingforabettercountry," since, well, she must not be speaking to me...if she were, she'd call me by my name. I saw it the same as calling me Laura or Lilly or something that totally was not my name. bettercountry was my name and I was sticking to it. And she stuck it to me--I got more and more in trouble because I refused to answer her.

And then came the final tactic. I took in something from my parents...birth certificate, letter, something, I don't remember--to prove to her that my name really was bettercountry. My parents really did name me that. And you know what that woman had the nerve to say? That my parents were WRONG to name me a nickname. Well. I told her! I said, "Fine. I just won't come back to your class. I'll move to another country." And I did. I already knew we were moving to another country, I just thought I'd be a smarty pants and let her think she was the reason we were moving.

All that to say...I developed at about the age of ten, a strong repulsion to being called the lengthened version of my name. People said it, and I would say, "That's not my name." Then I moved to Portugal, where no one understood "bettercountry" unless I said, "It's like lookingforabettercountry." So I've improved on my aversion for the name. But it seems like a complete reversal of personality and identity and history of my life to just up front tell people, "Bonjour. My name is lookingforabettercountry." I think I might just shiver every time I said it.

So I have to come up with a new name. Sigh. I'm with the Suits right now, and L (the wife) speaks French. She laughed and said, "You could tell people your name is Nicoise." I knew it was something stupid, so I asked her what it meant, and she said, "A salad from the region of Nice." Ummm...I'm not going to be called a salad. They were having a party, and everyone joined in. "What about 'croissant'? How about 'latrine'? Oh! Oh! What do you think of Pepe LaPu?" Hardy har har.

I feel a little pouty about the whole situation. Who ever knew that I would have such an attachment to my name? Here's a chance to give myself any name in the world, and everything that gets offered just makes me think, "That doesn't sound like ME. That doesn't aptly reflect who I am." And now, no one will sing the song they've always sung to me with my name in it. Pout.

The only names I've come up with so far are a nickname that my grandad used to call me when I was little (it's not a French name, but L keeps pronouncing it in French for me to let me hear how they would say it), my last name (which some people called me in grad school, except that it comes from a French word, and L thinks they might just call me that instead, and I don't like that), and Amalie...like the movie...except that I don't want to be the dumb American girl who picked her name from the one French movie that made it big over here. Maybe Audrey cause I like Audrey Hepburn so much, or Aubrey cause I like Auburn so much. (War Eagle). Ho hum.

Suggestions?